I began the series of videos to share a bit of my workshop that is geared to use art as a healing modality, to encourage all of us who are on lockdown during this time of the pandemic to connect to and make use of one’s creative abilities. I am not surprised that I would experience a certain healing of my own and so I would like to share some of that process with you now.

As I was developing the three paintings that I’ve been sharing, I was reminded of one of my earlier works which was completed as the first in a series of paintings I called “In Anticipation of Spring.” At the time, the first of the series was painted in such a style that inspired positive reactions if a number of people who worked in the arts. They encouraged me to create more pieces in this style because it had a certain unique quality that could really define one aspect of my artwork. Of course, being the stubborn bull that I am, I had other specific ideas for the series, and I copped my usual attitude: “why do I need to do another one if I have done it once already?” I did not need to “prove” I could repeat it!

Needles to say, I did not heed that advice. But the message lingered inside my head.  A few years later, while giving a short workshop on painting, I showed some of my work, including a print of this particular piece. Lo and behold one of the attendees apparently was inspired by it and decided to copy my style, creating his take on the painting. Of course, one COULD have taken this as a compliment but, naturally it pushed a different button.

I became inwardly very angry. First that he would not ask about purchasing my piece (since he liked it so much) but on top of that, he would have the “nerve” to “steal” my idea as if he had taken the advice given to me. Of course the anger was really at myself for my laziness,my lack of foresight and refusal to see the wisdom in the advice I had received earlier. It was as if a path was laid out before me that was offering me a chance to grow as an artist. Instead, my steadfast refusal to accept suggestion from anyone but myself – especially when it would require me to make a deeper commitment (work harder) is a character trait that does not serve me for my highest good. I even had a similar experience with an earlier painting yet I had not even seen this pattern before writing about this just this very moment.

So better late than never…

I decided to finally heed that advice and develop that style now. It is one thing to make mistakes and continue to regret them the rest of ones life, continuing to  live with that choice, repeating the mistakes,  instead of healing from the lessons. And so while the end results thus far may not be as closely related to the original as if I had continued at that time, it is interesting to see the evolution taking place after such a long incubation period.

In the end, as I put this healing in the context of “love in the time of Lockdown, ” the most challenging thing I am dealing with is the physical separation I have from my partner. We had just begun acting on ways to be with each other instead of remaining in (what has been) a long distance relationship when this pandemic took over.  No matter how grateful I am for the ability to video chat nothing can replace the actual physical contact we desire and are forced to live without. Hence the title of this evolution of the Anticipation of Spring, to what I now call “In Anticipation of Touch.”

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