I feel fear, I feel anger, I feel powerless.

I feel fear that I will lose the ability to live as a free man; To live unencumbered by bigotry, hatred, violence and oppression.

I am not so naive to believe that these things have not always affected my life in some ways, but living where I have, in NYC, I admit to have felt somewhat insulated from these things, my own internalized encumbrances notwithstanding. But now the prospect of the takeover of fascism here and abroad has given rise to a cancerous tumor that threatens to spread throughout my soul.

I feel anger. My anger because there exist so many people, institutions, mechanisms that are extremely damaging to the well-being of our planet and are poised to gain power and control over the majority of us who simply wish to live their lives unencumbered by such negative energies. I am angry that this cancer has taken hold in the many institutions that are in place which are supposed to act as checks and balances and disseminators of information. These things are not only rendered ineffective for their original purpose but are instead working effectively to help the disease spread.

I feel powerless. I have lived and worked as an activist for unconditional love. My belief that all these negative actions which I have identified stem from the disrupted flow of this pure form of loving energy. I felt that if I can do my part to restore this flow, then healthier energies can predominate our existence. But I now feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of what we are facing. The tumor has simply gotten too big to the point where I question my belief system. I question the effectiveness of all I do and feel powerless to the point of despondency.

And this is what cancer wants. It wants my complacency, to be free to spread and take over the organism. But there are remedies in place that can push these cells into remission. It takes unwavering determination in the belief of returning to health. And I am coming to realize that it also takes a willingness to expand the options in our toolbox in this fight. My work as a Reiki master teacher and artist is no longer enough.

By speaking out about facts, spreading the message of the importance of voting against fascism, trying to educate others about the consequences for our lives and the life of our planet should we fail to act, I can hope this will help my soul heal and demonstrate to myself that I am indeed a powerful force, if only one small cell in the human organism. And if enough of us can do this, then we can experience a great healing.

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